There is so much that is communicated through *non-verbal cues*: through your facial expressions, the tone and pitch of your voice, gestures displayed through your body language and the physical distance between the communicators. The timing and location that you choose for the conversation can also convey so much. Choosing a time that respects the […]
You communicate so much without saying anything. Read More »
Every emotion has degrees, from diminished to fiercely intense. Different words have different temperatures. Monitor your language and make sure your language isn’t minimizing or exaggerating the intensity of emotions. Match your words to the actual intensity of your emotions. –> Are you feeling blue, stressed, heartbroken, dejected, or depressed? –> Are you feeling satisfied,
Match your words to the intensity of your emotions Read More »
Vulnerability is the courage to be yourself. Pull down your guard and allow your spouse in. Let them see your human and imperfect self. The more times you’re vulnerable, the stronger the bond. There is a certain intimacy of vulnerability that can become precious between you. Being vulnerable can be risky and thus scary; there
Open up. Be vulnerable. Read More »
‘Validating’ is showing the other person that you understand where they are coming from. (It is not agreeing). – Sometimes, a short validation is all that is needed. As applicable, you can offer short comments as micro validations. This lets the other person know you are listening, withholding judgment and seeing things from their perspective
Sometimes the issue evokes emotions because something that is important to you did not happen, or something that you don’t want to happen did happen. You have a strong need to be included and you were excluded. You have a desire to be recognized for your hard work and you were not acknowledged. Name the
Name your underlying need or desire. Read More »
Your spouse most likely feels silly and wrong. Why would you want to add to that? What is gained by saying ‘I told you so’; is it your one-upmanship? Your gut reaction might be to allow them to let them suffer the natural consequences of their action or dis-action. What will that accomplish? Rather, help
Never say “I told you so” Read More »
Talk about what pleases you, not only what bothers you. Preface negative statements with positive ones that let your spouse know that you haven’t forgotten their good qualities, even when you are upset about something. —- “I know that you have good intentions when you say that you’ll be home early…but it’s a real problem
Talk about positive, not only negative Read More »
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU ARE SILENT DURING THE CONVERSATION. – “All my days I grew up among the sages and did not find anything better for the body than silence.” – Avos 1:17 – “There is a difference between listening and waiting for your turn to speak.” – Simon Sinek – Similarly, “The opposite
When you are silent, are you listening or waiting? Read More »
Being compared negatively to anyone stings. Additionally, these statements are usually said when the listener doesn’t quite stack up to what the other is hoping. That stings too. Double sting. – Don’t say “You so emotional, just like your mom.” “You remind me of X, he’s also so clueless about these things.” “Why can’t you
Avoid negative comparisons Read More »
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. – Not every truth must be shared.
Leave some words unspoken Read More »
