Hallmark, jewelers, chocolatiers and thousands of other marketers are telling us what gifts we ought to be wanting and giving to show our love. But those may not be what your spouse wants at all. Expressing love is about the other, so do it their way. Your spouse is unique and may have unique and […]
Love them in the way they prefer – even if you don’t understand it. Read More »
Help your spouse see and understand your thought process as you come to your decisions. Explain the criteria you consider. How you think about who else may be impacted by the decision. Talk about any risks and trade-offs you assess. Share your priorities, values, fears, goals, dreams and how those all fit into your thought
Make your thinking visible. Read More »
You have differences of perspectives. Of course, you want your position to be heard and respected. So does your spouse. It ought to be shared in a congenial and respectful discussion. But too often, such discussions wind up becoming quarrels or arguments. You know you’re quarreling when you find yourself getting irritated and wanting to
Quarreling? Arguing? Discuss perspectives. Read More »
Attempts to make your partner change invite defensiveness. That strategy will get you nowhere. Think about it: when was the last time your spouse made meaningful change just because you nagged them. Instead, use your energy to figure out what you want and then what you yourself might do differently to get it. New mindsets.
Don’t expect your spouse to change. Focus on yourself. Read More »
The better you know your spouse’s history – their upbringing, their schooling, their experiences – the better you can put their behaviors into context. And you can bring up your empathy. That is not to say that understanding where they come from is to excuse their bad behavior. But it does help you better understand
It may be easier to only be nice, but it isn’t always the most helpful. If you have feedback about something another person did or said that can actually help them improve or enhance their work or life, be helpful and share it. But be nice about it. If you don’t bring it up, they
Don’t only be nice, be helpful in a nice way. Read More »
If it is a ‘one-off’, let it go. Forgive and forget. In the same way that you don’t like to be reminded about every mistake you made, neither does your spouse. Your spouse is human. Let it go. – If it is a trend, or there is an important life or marriage lesson to be
Not every mistake needs a mention. Ever. Read More »
Bad parts’ as in human parts. No one is perfect. As life moves on, there are more interactions with each other. Some will be admirable, many will be the small things that deepen the relationship and some will be the mis-takes. There will be the mundane, boring and annoying parts too. It’s all part of
In a marriage of acceptance and love, you have to accept and love the ‘bad parts’ too. Read More »
Give your spouse a break. Don’t hold them to unreasonably high standards. No one can be perfect all the time. Or even close. You’d let your friends slip from time to time; you’d understand that periodically they might not be on their best behavior. Offer that same leniency to the person you committed your life
Don’t hold your spouse to unreasonably high standards. Read More »
Most people want to be noticed and acknowledged and addressed as their best self. At least as someone admirable and respectable. For yourself, when you think of your spouse, think of them as their best (better) self. And then express that out loud to them. And to others. “He isn’t home much because he is
Address your spouse as their best self. They’ll likely live up to it. Read More »
