The phrase “Choose your battles” is about recognizing that bringing up the topic will have consequences to the relationship. Life is too short to spend it on warring, and thus choose a battle that is critical and will bring you to a better place rather than fighting for fighting sake. Fight only the most, most, […]
Choose your battles Read More »
“I care, therefore I criticize,” or “I’m telling you this because I care about you.” To the one who is being told to do things differently, what comes through loudest and clearest is the criticism. But the one offering suggestions and judgments is usually focused on the caring. Why the disconnect? So much depends on
Caring and criticizing Read More »
You don’t have to like everything your spouse does, says or thinks. Your role is to figure out how to not let it negatively impact your relationship. It’s not about being a pushover. It’s about caring more about the marriage than having everything go your way.
You don’t have to like everything your spouse does, says or thinks. Read More »
Throughout life, we all grow and change. Life experiences, meeting people who introduce us to new interests, job changes, family dynamics – all impact our daily lives and how we see the world. Similarly, your spouse will grow and change. New food choices, parenting skills, how you spend time, priorities. These changes impact your whole
You change just as much as your spouse changes Read More »
The tuna can has a strong odor that can permeate the entire kitchen, so just wash the can before throwing it out. That might be obvious to some, and not to others. If that is something you want in your home, just ask. Don’t assume that others should just know to do that. The same
Wash the tuna can before putting it the garbage Read More »
Expect that periodically your spouse will be confused by you. It’s all part of being human – from different genders and backgrounds. Just knowing that it will happen from time to time should help you avoid becoming irritated and distracted.
Accept that there will be misunderstandings from time to time. Read More »
You are each unique and wonderful in your own ways. Don’t make it into a competition. You may prioritize being healthy, and your spouse doesn’t care as much. You may want to be involved in community work and your spouse would rather spend more time with the family. You may have certain ways of doing
Don’t compare your spouse to yourself Read More »
Some issues between you and your spouse just won’t be resolved ever. Noted relationship expert John Gottman calls these ‘perpetual problems’. These center on either fundamental differences in your personalities, background, and experiences, or fundamental differences in your life style needs. Every couple has some perpetual problems that just aren’t solvable. One of the couple
You don’t have to resolve every issue Read More »
Your marriage is more important than bringing your spouse to your ideas about what is being prudent. Talk about it with respect and curiosity. You may learn something new about your spouse and how they deal with doubt and the uncertain. Or how they deal with health concerns in general. Or how they take in
If you have different perspectives about Corona Read More »
“Supportive” means different things to different people. There are 4 general ways of support: • physical comfort and emotional support – listening and empathizing, taking your spouse’s hand, giving your spouse a hug • esteem support – expressing confidence in your partner, providing encouragement • informational support – giving advice, gathering information • tangible support
Support your spouse in the way they want support Read More »
