change

Apologies aren’t meant to change the past; they are meant to change the future

When someone feels wronged by another person, the wrongful act stands as a barrier between them, and the relationship is somewhat fractured. You can’t change the past, but what happens next can make all the difference. A sincere apology can bring reconciliation and growth to the relationship. However, if that apology does not come, then […]

Apologies aren’t meant to change the past; they are meant to change the future Read More »

Stop doing so much for your spouse

JOT general / Admin

Is it possible that you are unintentionally ‘parenting’ your spouse – i.e. doing for them because you think they can’t do it right on their own? Of course, spouses do for each other. And not because they expect to get anything back. But if you are doing it because you think that they can’t do

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You don’t think your way to a new way of living. You live your way to a new way of thinking.

JOT general / Admin

Thinking and planning may be helpful. But it is action that counts. You don’t have to pre-plan or envision exactly how it will all work out. Just get started. Do you find yourself in the ‘thinking loop’ (also known as ‘overthinking’)? Take a few steps toward your goal. Tell yourself that you can always go

You don’t think your way to a new way of living. You live your way to a new way of thinking. Read More »

Your situation doesn’t have to define you. Let it refine you.

JOT general / Admin

The situation may not be good*. You have a choice. Be a victim and be defined by what has happened. Or, you can take the life lesson that Hashem is sending through the situation. See it as an opportunity for personal growth. Maybe you need to learn assertiveness, or to be more careful with your

Your situation doesn’t have to define you. Let it refine you. Read More »

Don’t expect your spouse to change. Focus on yourself.

JOT general / Admin

Attempts to make your partner change invite defensiveness. That strategy will get you nowhere. Think about it: when was the last time your spouse made meaningful change just because you nagged them. Instead, use your energy to figure out what you want and then what you yourself might do differently to get it. New mindsets.

Don’t expect your spouse to change. Focus on yourself. Read More »

Feedback looks backwards. Advice is future-oriented.

JOT general / Admin

Don’t ask for feedback; ask for advice. Feedback has the connotation of past-thinking. Advice is forward-thinking. Feedback is often associated with evaluation, and judgment about performance in the past. This makes it harder to imagine someone’s future and possibly better performance. As a result, feedback givers end up providing less critical and actionable input. In

Feedback looks backwards. Advice is future-oriented. Read More »

The best apology is changed behavior

JOT general / Admin

When you hurt your spouse – accidentally or intentionally – some trust and security is lost. Saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t build that back. Actions speak louder than words. Making actual changes in your behavior goes a whole lot further. Change proves that you value them and the relationship. –

The best apology is changed behavior Read More »

Don’t let bad habits run amok.

JOT general / Admin

Sometimes your upset is because this incident is yet one more example of a trend in your marriage. This yet one more incident where your schedule was not taken into account at all. Lousy investment practices, upsetting parenting tactics, selfishness. Lead with the big picture and bring in the latest incident as ‘evidence’. In other

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When you are proud of your choices, you don’t need the approval of others.

JOT general / Admin

When your choices are grounded in your values and priorities, your life is more in balance. Things seem out of whack when what we do in our lives is not aligned with our truest priorities and values. We want a strong and happy marriage, but other things – like work, household chores, social life, (the

When you are proud of your choices, you don’t need the approval of others. Read More »

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

JOT general / Admin

Throughout life, there will be many roads with forks – many selections to be made. Sometimes, the outcome is not that important and the choice or decision is easier to be made. And sometimes, the options are life changing and it can be a bit overwhelming to make a selection. Nonetheless, you must move in

When you come to a fork in the road, take it. Read More »

Apologies aren’t meant to change the past; they are meant to change the future

Stop doing so much for your spouse

You don’t think your way to a new way of living. You live your way to a new way of thinking.

Your situation doesn’t have to define you. Let it refine you.

Don’t expect your spouse to change. Focus on yourself.

Feedback looks backwards. Advice is future-oriented.

The best apology is changed behavior

Don’t let bad habits run amok.

When you are proud of your choices, you don’t need the approval of others.

When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

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