So much of conflict stems from a lack of clarity. Too often, we jump to conclusions about the other person’s intent – usually to the negative. Instead, pause and ask for clarity. “I’d like to check in and clear something up together.” This might be somewhat uncomfortable (at first), but avoiding the question brings lots […]
Clarity is Kindness Read More »
Asking questions is a smart practice. It helps you gain the insights and information that you need to act according to the real facts, rather than from assumptions. Sometimes, it may take some humility to ask. But, don’t let pride get in the way of doing what needs to be done so that you make
Instead of assuming, ask a question. Read More »
“We need to talk.” People (especially men) don’t like to hear about what they are doing ‘wrong’. It brings up feelings of shame and inadequacy. Which then brings the desire to shut down or to run away. Which then makes the other person feel even more upset and resentful. In a downward spiral. Of course,
Talking about problems in your relationship is probably making things worse. Read More »
Nonverbal communication is a process of generating meaning using behavior rather than words. (Note, they can also be culturally dependent.) There are many aspects of nonverbal communication. In communication, we derive only 7% of the message through the words that are said. Most of the message comes from the nonverbals (55% from body language and 38%
Types of non-verbal communication Read More »
Before you begin, ask yourself why you feel so upset. Think about your feelings, and what values or needs are not being addressed. Discuss one topic at a time. Don’t dump all your frustrations. No degrading language. Discuss the issue, not the person. Express your feelings with words. Use ‘I statements’. Don’t slam doors or
Fight fair & smart Read More »
Assertiveness is the ability to express your feelings and ask for what you want in your relationship. Assertive is not aggressive, demanding or infringing on the rights of others; it more about being forthcoming and honest to share one’s thoughts, feelings, and desires. “I’m feeling overwhelmed with all these errands. I need some things taken
Be bold. Ask for what you want Read More »
Adding specifics to a conversation adds clarity. Many statements can have many possible meanings. “I want a big car.” This can mean lots of seats, lots of trunk space, headroom, or luxury. “I want a peaceful day” can mean quiet, no tasks, no bickering, or no cooking. As possible, share the specifics of the idea
Sharing specifics ensures understanding Read More »
There are people who struggle with the very first dates. The communication skills for the first dates are different than most other communication; and some people find this difficult. These skills can be learned.
Why the first two dates are so important. Read More »
A marriage vision statement is essential to building the successful marriage you desire. When you have a vision of what you want for your marriage and family, you can proactively work toward that. Rabbi Pinney and Helana Herman share how to create your vision for your marriage.
Creating a Vision for your Marriage with Rabbi Pinney and Helana Herman Read More »
It is important to include your spouse in important decisions. You are equals and interdependent in the relationship and each of your perspectives are important. Ask, don’t tell. Especially if you want your spouse to be a willing participant. Ask: “What do you think about …?” “What do you say about ….” “What are your
