“Should” is one of the most judgmental words you can use. Telling people what they should or shouldn’t do, say, or think makes you the judge and ruler of their thoughts and decisions. It evokes and builds negative thoughts about the other person. Instead of “She should have called…” say, “I wish she had called.” […]
Avoid the word: Should Read More »
Respect your spouse’s need to share the feedback, as hard as it is for you to hear it. Listen – with respect. – Bite your tongue. Do not interrupt. Let him/her say it all. Do not get defensive. – Ask questions. Try to get to the underlying issue (ex: resentment, triggers a memory, need for
Listen to negative feedback – with respect Read More »
When you describe your feelings, do you use clarifying words to make them understood. “I’m sad and tearful” …” I feel a yearning to be closer” …”I’m feeling rather hurt and withdrawn” …”I’m stunned and embarrassed”. Notice that the description directly identifies the emotion. Attacking with your feelings means using your affect as a weapon.
Describe your feelings rather than attack with them. Read More »
