When we hold a grudge against others, we are holding a grudge against ourselves. When we are hurt by others, we get angry and may have some thoughts along the lines of: “How did I let this happen?” “How did I not see the signs?” “Why didn’t I say something sooner?” “Why did I stay […]
Forgive yourself so you can forgive others. part 1/5 Read More »
During an argument, take a break with Yellow Light, Red Light When you notice that your discussion is spiraling downwards or moving to sensitive topics, you might use the metaphor of the traffic light to indicate that you need to take a break. The idea is to use a two-word phrase “Yellow Light” in place
How to disagree respectfully & productively. – Part 5/5 Read More »
Think of a conflict from the perspective of a neutral third party. Often, it is helpful to think of a conflict from the perspective of a neutral third party who wants the best for all involved. How might this person resolve the disagreement? This is not always so easy to do in the moment of
How to disagree respectfully & productively. – Part 4/5 Read More »
The words we use in a disagreement can make all the difference. Start with a soft opener. According to the Gottman Institute, 94% of the time, the way the conversation begins determines how it ends. In other words, discussions will end on the same note they begin. If we start an argument harshly by attacking
How to disagree respectfully & productively. – Part 3/5 Read More »
Don’t “agree to disagree”. When we “agree to disagree” we are essentially hitting a dead-end, and thus there is a sense of disconnect. Each side is holding onto their own truth without acknowledging that the other person has another interpretation of the same event. Both sides can be right. Based on their experiences and logic,
How to disagree respectfully & productively. – Part 2/5 Read More »
Be OK with disagreements. Disagreements are essentially differences of opinions, perspectives or values. And they are inevitable; we all see things differently from others from time to time. When we encounter such differences, we can use them to get to know each other better. Good, healthy disagreement leads to eye-opening discussions, growth, and potentially more
How to disagree respectfully & productively. – Part 1/5 Read More »
When you are listening to someone, that’s all you should be doing. Listening. Focusing. Not multi-tasking. Listen with patience. Don’t interrupt or finish their sentences. While they are speaking, listen to understand, not planning how to respond. Show that you listened and are trying to understand. Paraphrase what the person has said, rather than offering
Listening is the most powerful tool in relationships – Part 5/5 Read More »
Sometimes we might think, “I can’t listen to this. I’m outta here.” Often, that is a time that we really should be listening and tuning in. It may be that whatever is being shared may be uncomfortable to hear, it may be that we might have to make a change. And we don’t want to
Listening is the most powerful tool in relationships – Part 4/5 Read More »
Sometimes they just want to vent, sometimes they want your insight and solutions. Listen in the way they want to be listened to. Don’t share possible solutions when all they want is a listening ear. If they don’t directly tell you what they want from the conversation, ask.💬“Do you want comfort or solutions?”💬“Do you want
Listening is the most powerful tool in relationships – Part 3/5 Read More »
People may say they want to be listened to, but it’s really that they want to be understood. But too often, they are not fully saying what is going on for them – especially when they are under duress. Their behavior and their words may be masking the real reason for their distress, what they
Listening is the most powerful tool in relationships – Part 2/5 Read More »
