Some words to avoid: “Let’s just drop it.” It isn’t fair to your relationship or your spouse to shut down the discussion. Instead, ask for a temporary time-out. “I need the time and head-space to step back and process it a little bit. I promise I’ll get back to it.” And don’t leave in a […]
Words to Avoid: “Let’s drop it” Read More »
Sometimes, silence is the most important part of the communication. Being quiet doesn’t simply mean not talking while the other is talking. Rather, it is to actually take some moments to silently reflect before responding, giving everyone time to think and absorb what was said. – Excerpted from Marriage 911, Rabbi Simcha Feuerman, LCSW-R and
Silence: Key in communication Read More »
Often when a person needs or wants something, instead of coming out and asking for it directly, s/he only hints at it. Hints do not motivate. A hint does not convey a message and does not deliver an impetus to act. The listener may even feel irritated, as subconsciously s/he expected to hear a request
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“Should” is one of the most judgmental words you can use. Telling people what they should or shouldn’t do, say, or think makes you the judge and ruler of their thoughts and decisions. It evokes and builds negative thoughts about the other person. Instead of “She should have called…” say, “I wish she had called.”
Avoid the word: Should Read More »
Avoid absolute words – that have no exceptions. These are usually said to make a point, usually exaggerated. And usually comes off as negative. None All Noone Never Always Everyone Ever Must Only No Not Just
The words you use to start a conversation set the tone for the entire conversation. Words that express strong feelings or thoughts tend to derail discussions – quickly. Under the upset and anger, there are other feelings that would probably invite more positive responses. — Words to avoid: – I feel annoyed … – I
Make it easy to be heard. Choose better words. Read More »
Questions that stimulate informative answers almost all begin with the open-ended WHAT or HOW. Questions that begin with “Are you” or Do you” invite yes and no answers, and then shut down the conversation. Yes/ No: “Do you want to ….” Answer: “No” – Open-ended: “How would you feel about …” Answer: “I’d rather try
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Multiple “don’t want”/”Don’t like” statements seldom add up to one clear “would like”. – “I don’t want a blue sweater.” – “I don’t want a cardigan.” “Would like” statements efficiently convey your preferences. – “I would like a red V neck sweater.” — “Don’t like” tends to engender defensiveness, discouragement and negativity. “Would like” invites
Say what you do want rather than what you don’t want. Read More »
Dos and Don’ts of Interrupting – Don’ts *Don’t not allow the other to finish sharing important information, before you jump in. “I know what you are going to say.” *Don’t negate what the other said before the thought is completed. – – Dos *Support and build on what the other said. *Break into a monologue
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“You are so wonderful” and “You do that so well.” can be subconsciously felt as judgments, albeit positive ones. Positive judgments express what you think about the other person. Even though these are positive judgments, they still put the recipient in the position of being judged and the praise-giver in the position of judge. And
Use “I statements” to avoid positive judgments Read More »
