Sometimes we might think, “I can’t listen to this. I’m outta here.” Often, that is a time that we really should be listening and tuning in. It may be that whatever is being shared may be uncomfortable to hear, it may be that we might have to make a change. And we don’t want to […]
Listening is the most powerful tool in relationships – Part 4/5 Read More »
Sometimes they just want to vent, sometimes they want your insight and solutions. Listen in the way they want to be listened to. Don’t share possible solutions when all they want is a listening ear. If they don’t directly tell you what they want from the conversation, ask.💬“Do you want comfort or solutions?”💬“Do you want
Listening is the most powerful tool in relationships – Part 3/5 Read More »
People may say they want to be listened to, but it’s really that they want to be understood. But too often, they are not fully saying what is going on for them – especially when they are under duress. Their behavior and their words may be masking the real reason for their distress, what they
Listening is the most powerful tool in relationships – Part 2/5 Read More »
If we want to have a deep relationship with others, we have to listen to all the little things they want to share – even if they may seem trivial to us. How their day went, who they saw, something they heard. If they know that we listen to them about those things, when something
Listening is the most powerful tool in relationships – Part 1/5 Read More »
An effective structure of a complaint: the Complaint Sandwich. The hope when expressing a complaint is that the other person will listen and make some change. How the complaint is crafted (and delivered) is important. Guy Winch, in his book Squeaky Wheel, recommends a formula called “the complaint sandwich”. The first “slice of bread” in
Getting your spouse to finally hear your complaints – part 5 Read More »
Complaints have 2 elements – the feelings and the task. When we complain, there are the feelings (upset, lonely, invisible, disrespected, underappreciated) and the desire for something to be different (share responsibilities, more time together). Often, we can respectfully share both with our spouse in one conversation. But sometimes, after thinking about it, we recognize
Getting your spouse to finally hear your complaints – part 4 Read More »
Preparing for an effective complaint. Something is bothering you and you want an adjustment. It is worthwhile to think through how you will present it so that you will more likely be heard and there will be some change. Determine that this is worth bringing up. Is this something that has a possibility of being
Getting your spouse to finally hear your complaints – part 3 Read More »
Tune into what is under the complaint. There’s a value of yours that is not being addressed. People complain because something that matters to us isn’t going as we expected. Instead of owning that unmet expectation and sharing how much it matters to us, we complain. Complaints indicate what people care about most – about
Getting your spouse to finally hear your complaints – part 2 Read More »
Complaining is feedback, it is not criticizing. There is a place for complaints in a marriage. There will be issues or differences in every marriage, and there will always be a need for adjustments to be made – all through the life of a marriage. If these are unaddressed, they just pile up until the
Getting your spouse to finally hear your complaints – part 1 Read More »
Too often, we hope our spouse (or kids) will just know what it is we want. Instead of asking directly for what we want, we either hope or hint at it. But they just don’t pick up on it. Then we get annoyed and become critical. We hope or hint that we want a glass
Don’t hint or hope. Ask directly. Read More »
