“Be careful with your words. Once they are said, they can be only forgiven, not forgotten.” If you find yourself regretting your words from time to time, it is worthwhile to work on thinking before you speak. Actually, just acknowledging to yourself that you have a tendency to speak without thinking is a crucial first […]
“Words are free. It’s how you use them that may cost you.” Read More »
Complaining never made anything better. Everyone has things in their lives that they wish were different (or better). But simply complaining for complaining’s sake doesn’t bring change. That’s whining. (Venting is different and should be done judiciously and with intention.) Complaining brings down the mood of everyone in the conversation – especially the complainer. If
Complaining isn’t a solution. Read More »
Compromise usually comes out as a win-lose scenario; it means that someone wins and someone loses. Often in a relationship, we find ourselves compromising for our partner, always accommodating our partner. “All right, whatever you say.” “If that’s the way it has to be.” If one person is always compromising in this way, it will
Don’t compromise, negotiate. Read More »
We sometimes enter into a conflict with the goal to be right; our number one objective is to prove that the other person is wrong. Instead of working together, we are now competitors, working against each other. Even if you are proven to be right, the relationship loses. Being open to being wrong is a
Be willing to be wrong. Read More »
Some people withhold the truth (or even straight out lie) because they want to avoid some pain or discomfort. But without honesty, there can not be intimacy and closeness. Sometimes we are not open or honest because we want to avoid the pain that may come from the truth. Sometimes it is from trying to
Don’t avoid honesty to avoid discomfort. Read More »
When someone is angry, frustrated or worried, your instinctual and intuitive reaction may be to try to calm them down, urge them to cool off, suggest it’s not worth getting so upset about. And sometimes that may work. It is even better to allow them to vent and get it all out. When someone is
How to respond when someone vents to you. Read More »
Before you argue with someone, ask yourself if that person is ready to hear a different perspective. If not, there really is no point in having a discussion. Actually, first, ask yourself why you want to have that conversation. Do you want to change their mind? Do you want them to do something differently? Are
The golden rule of argument. Read More »
Of course, emergencies come up all the time. This is not about those. This is about the times when people put you on the spot with what they deem urgent matters and want your time or assistance. Some examples: The person who didn’t do their part before a deadline. The kid who forgot about buying
Someone else’s urgency doesn’t have to be your emergency. Read More »
When we see people clearly and lovingly, we are more understanding and forgiving of their words or behavior*. When we see clearly, we recognize that someone’s comment or behavior may have very little to do with us. It may be that the other person is hungry, tired, stressed, afraid, reacting from a trigger. Their actions
Clarity counteracts resentment. Read More »
When you are talking about something that your spouse did that you don’t like, talk about the behavior, not your judgment of them. Not “I don’t like when you are nasty.” Rather, “I don’t like when you don’t speak to me all night.” Then, request what you prefer. “What I prefer is that you tell
Talk about behaviors, not judgment of the person. Read More »
