Ask for a ‘do-over’
If something you said didn’t come out as you had hoped, you can ask for a do-over. – “I said that the wrong way, can I have a ‘do over?’“ “That didn’t come out right, let me say that again.”
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conflict resolution
Ask your spouse for ideas
If something your spouse did or didn’t do has created a problem (it happens), you might ask: “What ideas do you have for … “ (getting this done on time, to fix this for the future, etc.) Of course tone matters. Firstly, this allows them to be less defensive, since you’re not being accusatory or
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Know the warning signs of a possible fight
When you notice any of the following creeping into your discussion, slow down. You probably need a time-out to gain clarity and composure to continue the conversation. Name calling Attacking ‘you statements’ Finger pointing/ blaming Overgeneralizing (‘you always…’, ‘you never…’, ‘every time I…’, ‘nobody around here…’) Afraid of your partner’s intensity Loud voices Red face
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How to lower the tension during an argument
In a caring and calm voice, you might say something along these lines: “Please speak in a calmer tone so I can listen better.” – Take the onus on yourself; you can’t listen well when there is screaming. – “I need to stop you for a moment.” And once they stop, “This is much too
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Take a ‘time-out’
“[There is] a time to remain silent and a time to speak” (Koheles 3:7) “Rabbi Shimon the son of Elazar would say: Do not appease your friend at the height of his anger ” (Avos 4:18) – A TIME-OUT IS ABOUT AVOIDING DAMAGE TO THE RELATIONSHIP. A time-out is from the issue – not the
Complaining about your spouse makes all worse
While it might feel good for a moment, constant complaining to others about your spouse can actually be toxic to your relationship. Firstly, it is disloyal to the person you supposedly care about. When someone speaks negatively about us, we tend to feel hurt, angry, defensive and resentful, which leads to thoughts like, “If you
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Compromise. Even if it doesn’t make sense to you
Compromise. It’s about doing something for the other person even if it goes against what you think makes most sense. –
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Minimize defensiveness. Use better words.
Defensiveness destroys relationships from the inside-out. It creates a climate of contention and tension that eventually leads to a loss of trust, alienation, and separation. No one likes to hear a tirade of complaints and gripes. Not you, not your spouse. – Choose words that are easier to hear. When talking about a concern, begin
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Deal with negative emotions ASAP
We all know there will be fights and conflicts of interest sometimes. That’s a given. Don’t let negative emotions fester. Bottling up emotions means that it will build up and eventually explode in an extremely unhealthy and detrimental manner. Rather, bring it up – respectfully. As soon as you have calmed down from the episode
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Even happy couples have conflict
Miscommunications are bound to happen. And, both of you are unique individuals with your own unique way of seeing the world. You will have differences in ideas of how to deal in certain situations. That means there will be conflicts. Happy couples are OK with conflicts. They feel safe to share their perspectives. They discuss
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