Too often, we expect that others will treat us in a certain way, and then set ourselves up for disappointment when our expectations aren’t met. We assume that most people think and behave similarly to us. So, if we are the kind of person who gives little random gifts, we expect the same to be […]
We set ourselves up for disappointment when we expect others to behave as we would. Read More »
Before you argue with someone, ask yourself if that person is ready to hear a different perspective. If not, there really is no point in having a discussion. Actually, first, ask yourself why you want to have that conversation. Do you want to change their mind? Do you want them to do something differently? Are
The golden rule of argument. Read More »
Of course, emergencies come up all the time. This is not about those. This is about the times when people put you on the spot with what they deem urgent matters and want your time or assistance. Some examples: The person who didn’t do their part before a deadline. The kid who forgot about buying
Someone else’s urgency doesn’t have to be your emergency. Read More »
(Think about a ‘grace period’ for late payments). Showing grace is going out of your way to give your compassion, kindness and love to someone even if they might not appreciate it, or return the favor. Even if they haven’t ‘earned it’ or deserve it. It is accepting and allowing someone to be who they
Show grace to others; nobody is perfect. Read More »
“We need to talk.” People (especially men) don’t like to hear about what they are doing ‘wrong’. It brings up feelings of shame and inadequacy. Which then brings the desire to shut down or to run away. Which then makes the other person feel even more upset and resentful. In a downward spiral. Of course,
Talking about problems in your relationship is probably making things worse. Read More »
Before you begin, ask yourself why you feel so upset. Think about your feelings, and what values or needs are not being addressed. Discuss one topic at a time. Don’t dump all your frustrations. No degrading language. Discuss the issue, not the person. Express your feelings with words. Use ‘I statements’. Don’t slam doors or
Fight fair & smart Read More »
Each one in the couple may different techniques for doing things. These may come from the way you were brought up, or things you observed, or techniques that you developed on your own. You might see those as ‘my way’ and ‘your way’. As a couple, it is best to come up with ‘our way’.
From “Your Way” or “My Way” to “Our Way” Read More »
Why do upsets occur in relationships? Usually, it is not from bad intentions. But rather because of one of these misses: Mistakes (an action or judgment that is misguided or wrong) Misunderstandings (a failure to understand something accurately) Miscommunications (failure to communicate adequately) Misperceptions (a wrong or incorrect understanding or interpretation) Misestimations (a mistake in
Why do upsets happen in your marriage? Read More »
When we are curious, we view tough situations more creatively. Creativity is so powerful because it enables us to lean into uncertainty with a positive attitude – relaxing and opening our minds to new ideas, skills, and ways of solving problems. Curiosity opens us to generate and accept alternatives. When our curiosity is piqued, we
Be curious and you’ll resolve more creatively Read More »
Silence in a relationship? There are times in relationships when being silent is acceptable and even productive. For instance, a couple, or even just one partner, may take a thoughtful timeout from a heated argument to cool off or gather their thoughts. The timeout is mindful and there is an assumption or agreement that they
Silence is good sometimes; Silent treatment is never good Read More »
