It started off as a difference of perspective and somehow moved beyond a civil conversation and into a fight. Somehow, you both ended up saying things that are regrettable. Get back to loving and caring as quickly as possible. To do that, apologize for your role in the fight. Even if you were ‘totally right’, […]
Apologize to move past a fight Read More »
Our views are based on our values, standards, ethics, commitments, dreams, passions, etc. When someone shares their perspectives or opinions, they are showing something about themselves – what is important to them, what they value. When someone is expressing their opinion, instead of asking yourself the question, “Do I agree or disagree?” asked yourself “What
Disagreement? Use it to get to know the other person better Read More »
As you work through a conflict, stop to notice your progress. Ask: “What do we agree on already?” A conflict is a difference of perspectives on an issue. When working through a conflict, you take turns sharing your perspectives until you come to a resolution. If you look, you will find that you agree on
During conflict, find what you agree on Read More »
You care about each other. A lot. And at the same time, there is one or two or three areas in which you see things differently. Just because you have a disagreement or a difference of perspective doesn’t mean that you can’t respect each other. There are ways to have respectful discourse about the topic
Respect and laugh even when you disagree Read More »
Sometimes, it is just a request for information and there really isn’t nefarious intent. “Did you just use the credit card?” can simply mean that your spouse received a notification and wants to confirm that it isn’t fraud. It doesn’t necessarily mean that they are checking into your shopping habits or disapproving of your purchase.
Sometimes, it’s just a question – with no ulterior motives Read More »
Venting is a cathartic tactic for blowing off steam. It is a sharing of your emotions around a subject. “I feel so frustrated when that happened.” Venting can help you move forward or at least through the situation. On the other hand, complaining is wallowing. It is coming from a place of powerlessness, victimhood. It’s
Venting vs Complaining Read More »
Defer your need to be understood, long enough that your spouse is completely satisfied that you get their position. Your relationship is paramount. When you care about your spouse’s feelings before your own, you work to make sure that they feel heard – especially in a conflict or argument. Only at that point should you
Defer your need to be understood Read More »
Conflict is inevitable. It happens from time to time when two people live or work together. The definition of conflict I’m using here is: different, opposing or contradictory views on an issue. We are separate people with different experiences and understandings of situations. When we bump into a conflict (as defined above), we ought to
Live from a Collaboration Mindset Read More »
We are always more cautious when the risk is new. As time moves along, the risk seems less scary and the vigilance gets in the way of regular life. We grow tired of that stress and we want to reassert a sense of personal control. This all might lead to a lessening of personal motivation
Caution Fatigue: tired of being cautious Read More »
When you try to correct your spouse (or suggest a change), you are using up some of those goodwill credits in your relationship. Even if you say it with love and concern only for them. Nobody likes to be called out on their mistakes or failures, or even more so, on things they really can’t
Correction reduces connection Read More »
