Many times, what we are fighting about is not really what is bothering us. The words in our fighting or bickering may be about the dishes in the sink or the bill that wasn’t paid. Often, there is an underlying emotion – like insecurity or fear or sadness. It is important to talk about the […]
Instead of fighting, uncover & talk about the real issue. Read More »
Do you point out other people’s faults? Not necessarily directly to that person, but maybe just to the people around you. “Look at that guy…” “She looks so …” “Why does she do that?” So often that comes from our own smallness, and we are seeking to feel superior. It is an attempt to raise
We judge others harshly because we judge ourselves harshly. Read More »
An assumption is something that is accepted as true or as certain to happen, without proof. We assume somebody will do something. We assume that the activity will be accomplished. But there’s no proof that it will happen. An expectation is a hope or belief that something will happen. We hope or believe that something
Instead of having assumptions and expectations, make agreements. Read More »
It’s not that having expectations is inherently wrong, it’s more about what you do when those expectations don’t pan out. You expected your [friend/ spouse/ whoever] to remember your birthday (and celebrate it in some special way). But they didn’t. Now what? It was a reasonable expectation, but it didn’t happen quite that way. You
“Expectations = Resentment” It doesn’t have to be that way. Read More »
Misunderstandings, hurt feelings, anger, frustration, sadness….so many of these negative emotions all stem from the fact that two people don’t talk to each other about things. By not talking it through, you aren’t giving the other person a chance to share what is going on for them, what support they need, their fears, their intentions.
When we blame others, we may experience a brief instant of relief. It feels better to no longer be in the crosshairs, the target of criticism, punishment, or harm. And it can help us avoid questioning our own self-worth and worthiness. In the short term. But then, come feelings of guilt and regret and possibly
If you blame other people for your mistakes, you give away your chances to learn. Read More »
“Assuming” is accepting something as true – without proof. It is deciding a thought you are having is a fact – when you don’t have all the information. Assumptions can be quite detrimental – especially when you make choices and decisions based on little more than a good (or not so good) guess. Too often,
Assumptions often lead to poor decisions. Read More »
If you are not getting the outcomes you want (or hope for), maybe it’s something you are doing (or not doing). Get to know your patterns that are not getting you the outcomes you are hoping for and take tiny steps to change those. If you don’t ask for what you want and instead hint,
Not getting what you want? Maybe it’s you. Read More »
Somehow, we were conditioned that only one person can be right in a conflict. So, if someone close to us disagrees with how we see something, with what we feel, with what we think, one of us has to be wrong. And we don’t want it to be us. That wouldn’t be good for our
Both of you can be right. Read More »
Think of a conflict from the perspective of a neutral third party who wants the best for all involved. How might this person think about the disagreement? How might they find the good that could be in the situation? This is not always so easy to do in the moment of disagreement. It is worthwhile
Think of a conflict from the perspective of a neutral third party. Read More »
